The Sensual World
by SilentG
Summary: When you're stuck in the work world, how do you get to the sensual world? The journey is surprisingly convoluted. G&E hope a camping trip will help take them in a new direction, but sister Liz has other plans. Chapter 11: how Eames got her bruises.
1. NEVER BE MINE

_**Special note January 16, 2012: I have finally gotten around to replacing the section breaks that FF removed a long time ago. I know some folks found this non-linear fic impossible to read without them; hopefully this makes it easier! I'm still writing BA fics, keep your eyes open! BTW I've created a playlist on my YouTube account with all the songs used as chapter titles.**_

**Author:** SilentG  
**Title:** The Sensual World  
**Fandom:** LO:CI  
**Pairing:** B/A  
**Rating:** M  
**Spoilers:** Definitely, see individual chapter A/Ns.  
**Archive:** Anywhere – no need to ask – just attribute, and let me know if possible  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine  
**Summary:**A series of snapshots on the awkward, rambling path towards true love. After all the considerations, eventually you have to make a choice. B/A. Not a songfic, but a song title fic.

**A/N 1:** Chapter spoilers for: Albatross, Season 6 & Betrayed, Season 7.

CHAPTER ONE: NEVER BE MINE

"Bobby." The forest was unbelievably quiet. The only sounds were the faintest whisper of breeze through the trees around the clearing where they'd laid their sleeping bags and the crinkling of the tarp when one of them moved. They were close enough to reach out and touch hands, but the late summer night was too chilly. On her back, staring up at the almost overwhelming display of stars, Eames saw the gentle rise and fall of Goren's chest out of the corner of her eye. She sensed his attention similarly directed. This – the surroundings, the intimacy, the quiet – was why they were here. At least she hoped so.

"Bobby?"

"Yeah, I'm listening."

Goren's voice came out with a croak, as though he'd been silent a long time. Eames wondered if he'd been drifting off. "Sorry, were you going to sleep?"

"No." Eames saw his lips quirk as he turned slightly towards her. This would be tougher with him looking at her, but she couldn't help turning to look back at him and give an answering smile. Here in the wilderness she felt so drawn to him – physically, emotionally, psychically – that it almost made her dizzy. It was impossible to ignore or resist, so – unlike so many times in their shared history – she didn't try.

"I have something to tell you." Her words left Goren's impossibly warm brown eyes more alert and expectant, but his face was still relaxed and happy. At almost any time before the summer, those words would have made him jittery and fretful at best, but since she'd accepted his invitation he'd seemed so together, so secure in himself and their partnership, that it filled her with quiet, almost painful joy. "It's hard," she sighed, and forced her gaze back up towards the stars.

"It's not like I think it's any of your business, and I'm absolutely not telling you to make you feel bad, but… I guess I want you to know. I want to tell you because I've been afraid to tell you." Goren's sleeping bag and the tarp beneath them rustled as he turned his diminished – but still considerable – bulk fully towards her, and the weight of his complete, torturous but captivating attention pressed down on her chest. "I've been afraid of what you'd think of me," she whispered.

**O.O.O.O.O**

"Why am I here?" Goren asked. They were lounging under a tree on a patch of scrubby grass in a sandy part of the riverbank. The sand looked like it had been trucked in, but that was OK, it made it more fun for the campers – safer for swimming. She had her back against the tree with his head in her lap, a short jeans halter-dress thrown on over her swimsuit; he wore shorts and a loose t-shirt that covered most of his tan. With one hand she brushed a finger absently along his hairline, and the other rested on his chest with a gentle weight that made his heart swell and soar.

"Why are _you_ here? You invited me, remember?" She glanced down at him with a smirk as her eyebrows disappeared into her long bangs. _I have very simple instructions for my eyebrow waxer,_ she'd said to a suspect once, _just don't make me look surprised. I'm perfectly capable of doing that on my own. By the way, this is me not surprised._

"Yes, and you accepted," he replied with an answering smirk.

"Yes, I was there," she said with a peal of laughter that made him shiver with pleasure. The joy he felt just lying here with her was almost unbearable, and he swore he could feel the softness of her skin where her bare thigh pressed against the back of his neck. She looked so relaxed and happy – happy here with _him_ – and he almost vibrated with resisting the urge to turn his head and tickle the tops of her legs with his day-old beard.

"Yes, I was there too," he replied, and taking her hand to anchor him, he tried to school his face to reflect the seriousness of what he was about to say. "I know perfectly well why I asked you, Eames, but I got the impression you were entertaining other offers. I want to know why you accepted mine." She pursed her lips and stared off into the distance. "And don't think giggling and wriggling will make me forget I asked." At that, she tried to pry him off her lap with a nudge and a scowl, but he would have none of it. It was, to his recollection, only the second time he'd ever refused to do what she'd wanted.

**A/N 2:** OK, so now I actually understand the (possible) motivation behind non-linear storytelling. I LIKE it, but I'd never given any thought to actually _writing_ it. BUT, I've also never successfully completed (or even mostly completed) any linear story of significant length. The problem is, I think in scenes, and I can only discipline myself to write the scene that most interests me, not the next one in line chronologically. Attempts I've made in the past to write non-chronologically and then piece the scenes together, has been unsuccessful due to my chronic laziness.

So, have you guessed that this is a non-linear fic? Well, don't get your hopes up. I'm not sure if it's actually a non-linear fic or just a bunch of random scenes with no connecting narrative or evidence of any planning or forethought. Is it just that easy to write a non-linear fic? I guess we'll see. If it's an absolute tits-up when it's finished, I'll re-edit it in chronological order.

BTW some of the chapters will be longer, some shorter. ALL the A/Ns will be shorter. The timeline of this fic is the summer after Season 8, and could be viewed as a companion fic to my other ficlet, "Remember when?".

**A/N 3:** The title is from the Kate Bush album of the same name. I'd originally planned to name the fic after the song from the album called "Never Be Mine", but I think it's been used a bunch of times. As with my uber-racy SS/HG (Harry Potter fandom) fic "Just You Wait" (archived on RestrictedSection), each chapter will be entitled with a song from the album. This is not, however, a songfic.


	2. LOVE & ANGER

**A/N 1:** Chapter spoilers for: Lady's Man, Season 8 & Purgatory, Season 7.

CHAPTER 2: LOVE & ANGER

It was late April when Goren overheard Eames talking on her cell with her sister. They'd been on the outs for a while, it seemed, but whatever their issues were, they were not a topic for conversation between Eames and her partner.

Since the angst over Mulrooney had dwindled, he'd allowed himself a hint of anticipation prior to seeing her in the morning; she seemed so relaxed and happy to see him, and her eyes sparkled in a way he hadn't seen in ages, maybe years. Maybe ever.

He wasn't quite ready to think about what his own face was revealing.

"…No, it's fine, I'm not busy." He arrived to find Eames hunched over her desk, her slumped back a 'C' of self-protection, picking at a hangnail on her thumb. Her face, whose expression had so recently and beautifully softened, wore a brittle mien.

"Who?" She glanced briefly at Goren's face, sharply down at the coffees in his hand, then back down to her desk, her expression unchanged. "No, I'm not joking… I'm sorry, OK? No, I remember, it was just an unexpected question, that's all. No of course I do. Why?"

Goren sighed as he gently placed one of the coffees within her reach, then plonked himself heavily into his own chair. He tried hard not to dislike Nathan's mother, but – although he and Liz had never really warmed to each other – lately Goren found it very difficult not to be angry at her. It was not great but not surprising that she didn't approve of Goren, but what had always irked him was that she seemed to think she'd been doing Eames a favour by letting her carry Nathan, and she was ready to pick a fight with anyone who intimated that Eames (or anyone associated with her) had undergone any hardship bringing Liz's only chance at motherhood into the world.

Eames was silent for a long time. Goren watched her surreptitiously, as her expression morphed from hunted to guardedly thoughtful. "Hmmm…" she said several times as she rummaged around in her handbag for her Blackberry, then entered something one-handed. "Well… OK… you've given me a lot to think about… I'll let you know. When? OK, remind me if you don't hear back from me about it. Yup… OK. Yeah, OK, right. Bye, you too." Eames sighed as she closed her both her phone and Blackberry with a decisive snap. "Thanks for the coffee, Bobby," she muttered before turning her face to her computer screen. She sat staring speculatively at it for a long time.

It didn't help that Eames was so darned loyal that she would rather have chopped off her own finger than complain of any wrongdoing done to her by one of her own (Goren treasured her reticence though, because it spoke to her professionalism and integrity), and so prideful that she'd never admit to being wounded by someone she loved (this one pricked Goren a little, or rather pricked his conscience), but despite the way she absorbed whatever Liz seemed to dump on her without a whimper, it was clear to Goren that their conflict had deepened.

In fact, lately when she was speaking to Liz, Eames looked almost as defeated and miserable as she'd looked after he'd returned from suspension.

Now that was a depressing thought.

**O.O.O.O.O**

It was two weeks since Eames's conversation with her sister, and she still felt wrung out. She'd known that she needed time to consider Liz's proposal, but time hadn't eased her tension and uncertainty; it was time to sit down and make a decision. She didn't feel good about it, but – like Jack Nicholson said – maybe this is as good as it gets?

Now that was a depressing thought.

No wait a second, not entirely. She had a good life; certainly much better and much happier than she thought it could ever be during her darkest times. In fact, she got almost everything she needed from one place: work. As Liz loved to remind her. Actually, from one –

As Liz loved to remind her.

Liz and her mother relished telling her how hard she was, how unyielding. At best she'd been proud of their opinion; other times, defiant. Certain they'd been wrong – not about their assessment, but about its effect on her. But maybe she's the one who'd been wrong. Maybe it was impossible not to compromise, and maybe she'd been alone for so long because she hadn't seen that. If compromise was a necessary part of life, and she'd long ago chosen to _never_ compromise at work, then it must be in her personal life that she'd be forced to yield.

It wouldn't be the first time.


	3. HEADS WE'RE DANCING

**A/N 1:** No spoilers (unless you don't want your utopian view of Eames's marriage to be spoiled). Oh wait, yes one spoiler, the Albatross spoiler I didn't get to in Chapter 1.

CHAPTER 3: HEADS WE'RE DANCING

"Remember Maureen Pagolis and her husband?" Eames suddenly regretted bringing this ugliness into their idyll – the night was so beautiful… hell, the whole _day_ had been so beautiful – and Goren's happiness seemed impervious.

In fact he still lay there on his side staring at her, despite her loaded question, both hands folded under one cheek like a child, with the most beatific smile on his beautiful face as if only pearls and flowers came out of her mouth – yes, she did think him beautiful, she could admit that now – and the fact that she might be the reason for his incandescent, 24 karat joy made her gasp with pain and pleasure and fear.

"I do. I said the wrong thing, I'm sorry." His voice was still hoarse – the thought of where all the blood in his body might be since it didn't seem to be in his larynx distracted her for a moment.

"You didn't. Or at least, you had no chance of saying the right thing since you didn't know what was really going on." She still watched him only out of the corner of her eye. His gaze was so intense, so intimate, that even though it wasn't the least bit lascivious its very existence made her squirm. She saw him start, then shut his mouth resolutely, and she instantly know what he'd stopped himself from saying. "Yeah, I know, I did lose perspective on that case. I hung on to my admiration of her more than I should have." Goren managed to wave his pinky fingers in a mildly dismissive gesture, and she turned to him with a smile. "Thanks for that.

"And yes, it does get on my last nerve when you're right and I'm wrong, but there was something else going on. For me."

"Eames?" He reached out his hand, inviting her to hold it. Anchored thus, with their eyes and hands, she found she didn't need to look away.

"You did say something. You said something like, 'Why didn't she just leave him?'" He nodded and squeezed her hand. "I knew – about your family, your father, and I felt like I couldn't impugn your opinion, you were speaking from personal experience. I couldn't say what I wanted to say, because I was afraid you'd look down on me." Eames looked matter-of-factly at Goren, whose face registered astonishment at her words.

"I had a personal experience to draw from too, that gave me my perspective. Because Joe – Joe – wasn't faithful to me.

"I considered leaving him – I agonised over it for literally months – but in the end I decided to stay. And what I'd have said to you – if I'd had the courage to be honest – is that I know what it feels like – what it felt like for Pagolis, maybe what it felt like for your mother."

She couldn't drag her gaze away. Goren's eyes were heavy with their shared pain: how had she ever thought she'd find a rebuke therein? "Not to be cheated on, although we do have that in common. But to have someone who you love so much, and feel so lucky to have, and feel like you could never do better, that you just have to forgive and move on.

"Of course murder is never the right choice to make, and I don't even know if it was love that put Margaret Pagolis in that particular quandary, but I do know exactly what it feels like when you just can't seem to let go, and the intolerable conflict that arises as a result."

Goren dropped her hands abruptly and sat up on one hip. He reached out and in one move, dragged her inflatable mattress, with her on it, right up flush with his. Her knees actually bumped his as he leaned over and grasped her shoulders. "Eames, God…" he shook his head as he squeezed, then touched his forehead to hers. "You're right… I was pretty contemptuous of her, and of my mother. I hope – I _hope_ I wouldn't have felt that way of you if you'd told me. But I understand why you didn't. I lost perspective too, I guess." The look he gave her was full of sadness.

"Not nearly as much as me. I was tied up in all kinds of knots. But thank you, Bobby," she whispered. His nearness and his acceptance felt so good, she wanted to live in the moment forever. His warm eyes, his touch, their closeness; all of a sudden she felt overwhelmed. She shifted her head to rest in the crook of his shoulder, and he wrapped his arms tightly around her.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you, Eames," he whispered into her hair, "I'd give anything to take that pain away. But what you said – about how you felt about him and your relationship – I think I know what that feels like."


	4. THE FOG

**A/N 1:** It's so funny… everything in my story (like everything in Einstein's vision of the universe) has already happened, but I'm getting so many PMs asking me what's going to happen! Dear readers, there is beauty in pain. Your pain. Also, you're not crazy. I did re-name the chapters. In case anyone's checking the lyrics, I decided that different songs represented the existing chapters better. Chapter spoilers for Untethered (Season 7)

BTW, I was thinking of sending out teasers to readers – would anybody like that? Anyone have any idea how it could be transacted?

CHAPTER 4: THE FOG

Eames awoke slowly to the bright but diffuse morning light that shone through the fabric of the tent. She could hear birds singing, the faint sounds of other campers, and above and in front of it all, Goren's gentle snores. It was, she believed, the first time she'd ever witnessed Goren sleeping. The drug-induced near-coma after Tates didn't count, in fact she liked to pretend it hadn't happened.

Get up or go back to sleep? That was the pressing question of the moment. She was warm, but not too warm in the chilly morning air. Goren's even breaths were very soothing. She decided to get up, go pee and brush her teeth, and if Goren was still asleep when she got back, she'd come back to bed and sleep a little more. Partly to luxuriate in her vacation, and partly because she was still feeling quite strung out and jumpy in the face of her current reality: spending two weeks alone in a small space with her partner of 10 years; the man she had a more fulfilling and frustrating and complicated relationship than any other of her life; the man with whom every intimacy had heretofore been subtext, sub-conscious or sublimated; the man she loved.

Quietly grabbing her toiletry bag and slipping on a sweater, Eames unzipped the tent flap and crawled out. She was instantly hit with a _déjà vu_; of the countless times she'd been camping, even when she'd arrived and set up at campgrounds in the light, she'd found invariably that the first morning crawling out of the tent was disorienting; the outside never looked the way it had looked the night before.

She chuckled to herself and made a mental note to mention it to Goren at breakfast. He'd no doubt have much to say on the topic of wormholes, Tardises (Tardii?) and alternate universes.

Squinting, she took stock of the campground; the place was full, but well-planned, so she and Goren – and the other campers – weren't on top of each other. The campground was unusual in that it wasn't on the water – not too surprising, since Goren professed to hate the beach – but it was at the foot of a large network of trails, some of which led to a lake cove with some very nice swimming, apparently. On the path to the facilities, she passed several families, couples, and a few spaces that were very quiet – either early risers or layabouts like her and Goren. Lots of people waved and smiled, and Eames began to relax. The air was brisk and cool, but it was clear, so the day promised to turn warm.

Eames felt much better after freshening up. When at the functional if by no means luxurious ladies' room, she thought about showering, but decided just to run a comb through her hair and French braid it; she treasured her sleep time beyond all reason, and she knew that there was only so much time she could spend awake before she wouldn't be able to drift off again.

Tiptoeing back to the tent flap, she gave Goren's car a once-over to ensure it was still fine, checked to see that their firewood was still there, and gave a cursory glance to their neighbours; a family of five, it appeared, on one side, and an older couple on the other. Goren was still asleep, but he'd rolled over in her absence, and was now lying on his tummy like a little boy, his face towards her empty sleeping bag. Eames quickly dismissed the image of her draping herself over him, running her fingers through his hair and snuffling the back of his neck the way she did her nephew when _he_ slept like that.

Her bed was still warm, still comfortable, and she took a moment before closing her eyes to take stock of things; the soft flannel of the inside of her sleeping bag against her legs, the canvassy, slightly mildewy smell of the tent, how nice it was to wiggle her toes and hear the rustle of nylon from the outside of the bag, the fact that she had woken up not alone and not regretful.

**o.o.o.o.o**

The next time she woke up, Eames was alone in the tent. She was _hot_, and she could see that the sun was much higher in the sky. Outside, she heard the sounds of food being prepared, and Goren's murmurs as he chatted with someone. _Yes, this was camping!_

"Morning," she heard as she began to wrestle her way out of her sleeping bag. Another _déjà vu_ – the camping fairies always seemed to twist up camp bedding moments before the sleeper awoke. Oh, she discovered she had gone back to sleep wearing her sweater; no wonder she was so hot!

"Morning," she mumbled through the tent flap as she unzipped it. "How did you know I was awake?" She slipped on her flip-flops and trudged over to the campfire, where coffee, toast, and a frying pan full of something were all on the go.

Goren greeted her with a sunny smile. He looked really good in shorts, flip-flops and a sweatshirt. Eames wondered if she'd ever seen his bare legs before; she didn't think so. She tried not to stare. "I heard you," he said, squinting up at her. "Coffee?"

"Yes please," she said gratefully, sitting down on the log behind where he squatted, bent over the fire. "Look at you, so industrious. You could have waited for me to help you, you know. What do you have here?"

"You can do the dishes. And a veggie frittata with cheese. Orange?" He held out a plate of orange slices covered in plastic wrap. He handed her a bottle of water as well.

"Oh my, that sounds wonderful, and dishes sound like a good deal to me." She sat with the plate of orange slices in her lap, sipping her coffee while the food cooked. All of a sudden she felt like there was nothing to be freaked out about.

**o.o.o.o.o**

"Who were you talking to?" Eames asked just as Goren started saying something too.

"You first," they both said.

"Ladies first."

"Age before beauty!"

"I'm still eating, Eames. You talk. Entertain me," he said with a grin.

"Oh, pressure," she said. "I was actually just wondering who you were talking to earlier."

"The couple west of us. They're from Canada, spending the whole summer camping and visiting friends and family. He's a retired City Planner and she was a schoolteacher. Nice people. They recommended the hiking trails."

"So, in other words, because they are from Earth, you had lots to talk to them about." They both smiled. "What were you going to say, Bobby?"

"Oh, I was just going to say that I had a weird experience this morning. Like the tent had moved overnight." Goren shook his head chuckling, waving his arms in a pantomime of flying tents.

Eames laughed so hard she almost fell of the log. "You're kidding! I thought the same thing when I got up! And no," his incredulous look spoke volumes, "I don't actually think we moved, but I was going to ask you your opinion on alternate universes et cetera. And also, what's the plural of Tardis?"

Goren started laughing as well, and after a few moments wiped his eyes and looked seriously at her. "First, there is only _one_ Tardis, Eames, and second, I regret to tell you that despite the extensive – and marginally fruitful – experiments defeating causality, there is not yet any concrete evidence of habitable alternate universes."

**O.O.O.O.O**

The next day they had lunch at a diner in Brooklyn, waiting to review a statement by a witness in a murder that had been kicked up to Major Case. The remains of his burger and her salad had been cleared, and Goren was just reaching for his wallet to pay when Eames's cell phone rang. As she stared resignedly at the screen Goren just knew it was her sister, and as she muttered, 'I've got to take this,' while she hastened out of the booth he couldn't pretend that he'd handed the waitress a $20 and waved away the $4 change for any other reason than the desire to speed after Eames and eavesdrop.

"…wasn't being cowardly. I called twice, and it went straight through to voicemail both times. Check your call display." Eames was pacing in her light trench coat outside the diner, looking windswept and beautiful, if a little harried. Goren shuffled over a bit and stared out at the parking lot, making a desultory effort to appear not to be listening. "Oh for heaven's sake Liz, it's not the end of the world. I'm sure having to wait twelve hours to tear strips off me won't do you any lasting damage."

Eames stood still for a second to grab her Blackberry, and began punching buttons furiously as she listened. "I don't think it IS short notice. … Well I'm sorry, but I – I've got other plans." Goren started, then forced himself to still. She could be talking about anything. "Well like I said, I'm sorry. But I hadn't said yes for sure, and so you shouldn't have said anything." Nathan. This must have something to do with Nathan. "I know that," she said softly. "But I've made up my mind. Bye."

She closed her cell and ambled towards Goren, still punching buttons on her Blackberry. When she was standing very close to him, she looked up at him and said, "If the offer's still open, I'd like to say yes to going camping with you, Bobby. What should I bring?"

He shrugged. "Sometime when we have free afternoon, we can get together and discuss who's bringing what. No rush." Goren smiled big at her and she returned his smile, looking more relaxed and open than she had in a while. He had to resist the urge to sweep her up and swing her around. And plant a big kiss on her cute chin… and other places.

"Oh goody, a pow-wow over who's got the better equipment. I wouldn't miss it for the world."

**o.o.o.o.o**

Later that week, Eames got another call, this time from Liz's husband Nicky. From what Goren could gather he sounded apologetic about something, and it also seemed like maybe Eames had told her sister that she was going away on a camping trip with her partner. Her last words to him were, "That's a gutsy move, Nick, not sure if it'll end up being worth the trouble it'll cost you. But I'll ask him."

It wasn't until hours later that she nervously told Goren about her brother-in-law's parents' timeshare, and how Nicky had offered it to her and Goren for the Labour Day weekend. Did he want to go? As a break from roughing it in a tent?

The notion of sharing a cabin with Eames even if only for four days was irresistibly alluring; he said yes.

**O.O.O.O.O**

Eames closed her eyes for a moment, then tilted her face up and away from him. He felt her cycling through a relaxation exercise – probably the same one Olivet gave him – tensing and relaxing muscle groups from foot to head. Her breath slowed and deepened, and finally she sighed.

"Why are you here? You're right, I did have other offers. Liz invited me to come up to the cabin with them…" Goren looked up from his place in her lap in surprise, then frowned. Were things that bad between them, that Eames would rather go camping with him than see Nathan? Eames looked down at him with a rueful smile and shook her head as if she'd read his mind. Her left hand drifted back to his hair, her right rested back on his chest, the tip of her index finger absently caressing the tender skin at his neckline. "It's a long story, Bobby."

"Well?" He raised his eyebrows quizzically at her and wriggled around, making a production of getting comfortable the way a child would. As he'd hoped, she laughed at his antics and seemed to genuinely relax. "So, are you good to go now, or should I do some magic to loosen you up?"

"Do some… magic? To – loosen me up?" The look Eames gave him was so sensual and heated he suddenly felt a need to go cool off in the river. "Bobby, I love it when you do magic, but you don't need to do that to loosen me up," she murmured. She smirked and said, "Anyways, I am good to go. I knew what was going to happen when I said yes to you, no point in running away now."

**o.o.o.o.o**

"This is going to be hard – to say. I don't want you to be mad at my family."

"Well, they're already mad at me," Goren muttered, "So…"

"Oh, that's not true and you know it!" Eames made a fist with his curly hair and tugged. "My dad likes you! James has been OK, lately, and Margie has always liked you. Nick has always made a point of being extremely neutral – it's really just Liz and my mother. And since they're my problem too, well… they can just be mad at both of us." Her words were said with humour, but Goren could hear the anguish behind them.

"So, I'll try not to be mad at your family. But why the whole gang, if it's just Liz and your mom?"

Eames rolled her eyes. "You'll be mad that they didn't step in. But actually my Dad… well. Like I said, it's a long story.

"I just recently discovered something – Liz and my mom both had an ulterior motive – or at least secret hopes – related to me carrying Nathan." Goren snorted. "Oh, you knew? Of course you did," she said with a roll of her eyes. "I'd appreciate you keeping the editorialising barnyard sounds to a minimum, do you think you can manage that?"

"You're stalling, Eames."

"I know. Are you in a hurry, Goren? You got somewhere to be?"

"Eames, there is absolutely nowhere in the world I would rather be."

"Me too," she whispered.

**o.o.o.o.o**

"So what I discovered is that both Liz and my mom had hoped that carrying Nathan was going to evince a baby craving in me. They wanted to see me married and a mother, in a relationship like the one I'd had with Joe – preferably off the force, but at the very least away from Major Case, and… away from you."

"Really? That early?" Goren had known full well at least some of the substance of their grievances against him, but they didn't know it had been from that long ago.

"They'd gotten their hopes up. When – when I was having doubts at the beginning. When I made my mind up to stay, with you, they were disappointed. You might not have realised it, but when you and I started clicking, I fell MADLY in love with my job."

"You always loved being a cop, Eames."

"I did. But you have no idea how – working with you – fed something deep inside me that had been starving all my life. It satisfied me in a way I'd never felt before." Eames winced and giggled, covering her face with both hands like a child. "Um… you know what I mean."

"Yes, I do," Goren laughed as he gently pulled her hands back to where they'd rested on his body. "You fell madly in love. With your job. And you were very – um – satisfied," he said, chuckling as she nudged him, none too gently, with her knee. "And Liz and your mom – sensed that? And they hated it."

"Yup."

"But it didn't work."

"Nope. Not then."

"So?"

"So, Liz tried another tactic."

**A/N 2:** I guess (especially since this is non-linear, so readers might have a hard time figuring out when it's over) I should be saying "TBC" at the bottom of my chapters. Or maybe since everything's out of order, it should be "HBC" (Has Been Continued).


	5. BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN

**A/N 1:** Sorry for the wait. For a while I was having doubts about the direction I was taking with this fic, and I needed to let some stuff settle and get some perspective. Anyways, I've figured out that I can do all that I'd originally wanted to do, and I figured out how I want to do it. So here we are.

This chapter was originally going to be a lot more angsty, but Goren insisted on being such a champion that Eames didn't have to be nearly as sad and defensive as I wanted her to be. Nicky and the absent Chris are my creations, Liz and Nathan are beloved OCs created by who knows, and belong to the fandom it seems.

Spoilers for "Blind Spot" (Season 6)

CHAPTER 5: BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN

"I can't believe you slept with him, Alex. Your partner, of all people. This is the worst thing you've ever done."

**o.o.o.o.o**

Nicky had to hand it to Robert Goren; he really had their number.

He hadn't had a chance to get much of a bead on Goren since Alex and her big partner had arrived the past afternoon. The feared (by him, anticipated by Liz) conflict between Goren and Chris hadn't materialised, neither had the conflict between Liz and Alex flared up again. Dinner had been quiet, restrained and a little awkward, and the adults all found it easiest to focus on Nathan, who couldn't get enough of his Aunt Alex and his favourite fake uncle (to Liz's ill-concealed displeasure). The big man had effortlessly kept the attention of both Nathan and Alex, doing magic tricks and discussing Nathan's bug collection while Alex laughed; had chatted knowledgeably and with only a trace of discomfort to Chris about accounting and to Nicky about firefighting; and had unobtrusively ignored Liz.

Contrary to what Liz had expected, the off-balance, sheepish and self-absorbed man he and Liz had met at the hospital after Alex's kidnapping and heard about for a year after Goren's mother got sick was not in evidence, but the calm, unassuming man talking seriously to Nathan about the Moon while making breakfast for the whole family boded well for a peaceful morning.

Nicky's first clue that they were being managed by Goren the master manipulator and not sucked up to by Bobby the apologetic partner –slash– hopeful would-be boyfriend was when he found the note from Chris, saying that after sharing a smoke with Goren on the porch at four in the morning, he'd decamped _tout de suite_ for friendlier climes.

He quickly pocketed the note, and was trying _not_ to imagine what Goren had said to Chris to get rid of him so quickly, when Liz marched in, tight-faced, and announced with an accusatory glare at Goren that Chris was gone.

Goren, stirring eggs in one pan and flipping pancakes on the other, turned to Nathan and said in a low, soothing voice, "You ready for breakfast?"

The second clue was when Goren, leaning at an angle against the stove in a clear attempt to seem less intimidating, asked Nicky and Liz if they were hungry. Liz snarled, "I'm getting Alex," upon which Goren straightened almost imperceptibly and said one word, "Don't."

The change in Goren's demeanour was so subtle, but everyone in the room noticed it, even Nathan, who looked back and forth between his mother and Bobby in confusion. As Bobby gave Nathan his breakfast they shared a comical look, and Nathan said, "Mommy, Uncle Bobbeee says Auntie Alex gets to sleep in."

The man who served Liz and Nicky plates of bacon, scrambled eggs and pancakes (including honey for Liz, although Nicky couldn't for the life of him figure out how the big man had known) was not overtly threatening, but his self-assurance and complete control had Liz was thoroughly off-kilter. She'd made a brave attempt to rally, bristling at Goren's quiet order with, "Alex needs to hear this. You don't order me around in my own house."

Goren glanced at Nate before saying calmly and finally, "She's in the tent, and the tent belongs to me." He put down their breakfast plates at the two places by Nicky and Liz, pulled out the chair closest to Liz, then seated himself next to Nate and began eating his breakfast.

**o.o.o.o.o**

"Stop it. You're not going to be speaking like that to her any more."

By the time Alex breezed through the door trying her hardest not to look like she wished she was somewhere else, Goren had, with little apparent effort, gotten Liz thoroughly rattled. Goren was still seated at the breakfast table, cleared but for one place carefully set for Alex, and Liz stood by the sink, dabbing at her eyes with a Kleenex and hurling accusatory looks alternately at Goren, for getting her on the ropes without even having the grace to look menacing, and Nicky for not stepping in to defend her against Goren's innocent questions and calmly-stated, reasoned arguments.

But this was a dangerous turn of events. Toying with Liz was one thing – and make no mistake, Nicky loved his wife and would crawl across the bottom of the ocean for her, but he'd been telling her for years she was wrong about Alex, and thought it was about time she heard it from someone she didn't think she could walk all over – but dissing one Eames in front of another was something every prospective husband and wife learnt _not_ to do.

To Nicky's surprise, Alex walked stiffly but calmly over to Goren and stood behind him with her hands on his shoulders in a clear gesture of solidarity. "Morning," she mumbled to no-one in particular, looking stoically down at the top of Goren's head.

Goren placed his left hand over her right, and looked up over his shoulder at her. "You hungry?" he asked.

"I was," she said ruefully and smiled down at him. For a second they locked eyes, and Nicky felt uncomfortably like he was witnessing something intimate and intensely private. Embarrassed, he looked at Liz, who was gaping openly at her sister and Goren. She looked at her husband with a glare that said, _Do something_, and he just shrugged his shoulders and sighed. When he looked back, Goren was smiling angelically and getting up to fix Alex breakfast, and Alex was seated and absently fiddling with her placemat.

"Thanks," Alex said when Goren put a loaded plate in front of her, "What time is it?" When Goren told her, she added, "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I wanted to talk to your sister," Goren stated simply.

"Oooh," Alex said, "May I know what about?"

"You may," he replied, putting a coffee and juice down in front of her and sitting, "After breakfast." Rather than being affronted, Alex seemed to relax at his words, and the two of them sat smirking at each other while she tucked in to her food with a will.

When Nicky glanced at his wife, she looked like she was gearing up for a big blowup. He touched her wrist and gently tried to tug her towards the back door. "C'mon, let's go check on Nate. This is nothing that can't wait."

Liz stood firm. "Chris left, in the middle of the night, apparently."

"So?" Alex said behind her hand with her mouth full. "I thought he was leaving this afternoon anyway?" She looked at Nicky for confirmation. Oops. He'd not told Liz that tidbit of info, and she was looking daggers at him now.

"I want to know what your partner did to make him leave, but he won't tell us."

Alex sucked her teeth and stared at Goren with her patented look of surprise. "Should we be expecting a visit from the State Troopers?" she asked with just a hint of sarcasm.

"I – I didn't leave a mark on him," Goren replied with mock earnestness.

"Unlike your partner," Liz snapped, waving at the hickey on Alex's neck and the telling bruises on the insides of her knees.

Alex tilted her head and stared resignedly off to the side. "While we're being crass, might I remind you that Bobby and I were in separate rooms until you arrived?"

"Crass? What's crass is you yoking yourself to the one person who could do the most damage to your personal and professional lives. Who already has, actually. When you could have someone normal," Liz said shrilly. "It's not too late."

Alex looked meaningfully at Bobby. "Is it too late?" she murmured.

Bobby looked back at her and smiled. "I hope so," he said.

**o.o.o.o.o**

Liz, beholding her sister and her partner losing themselves in each other yet again, threw her hands up and drew a bracing breath. Before she could let loose, Goren turned and wagged his fingers at her, as he had a thousand times with suspects. "Listen, Liz. I know," he whispered, his face melancholy and kind. "You want what's best for your sister, and you're willing to do anything to make it happen for her." Liz's face showed her struggle… she _knew_ he was playing her, but she couldn't not be moved by his sincerity. Then Goren's face hardened and he leant forward. "So am I."

**o.o.o.o.o**

Liz and Nicky packed up and left right after, extracting promises from Alex and Bobby to watch Nathan like a hawk, not let him eat sweets, and bring him back by Monday afternoon at the latest. That night, when Nathan was asleep in Alex and Bobby's tent and she was sitting with Bobby at the kitchen table eating cold S'mores, he finally satisfied her curiosity. "So, what did you say to Liz?"

"Um… I just told her that she, uh, needed to stop using Nathan to blackmail you, because it – was hurting you and family shouldn't do that."

Alex looked at him speculatively and asked, "What did Nicky say?"

"You mean when I, um, told him to nut up and forbid people from using – ah – his son as a weapon?"

Alex's mouth dropped open in shock. "And do I get to have an opinion about you using caveman tactics on my family?"

Bobby pursed his lips and tilted his head. "Nope," he said.

She stood abruptly and Bobby looked up at her worriedly. She stepped between his legs, leant over and kissed him soundly on the lips. "Thank you," she whispered into his mouth.

**A/N 2:** There are two very subtle references in this chappie – a Fortune Cookie fortune to anyone who guesses either of them. The answer will be in the final chapter.


	6. THIS WOMAN'S WORK

**A/N 1:** I got so many wonderful and inspiring reviews for the last chapter, it totally inspired me to get another one out. Thank you all sooo much for reading, enjoying, comprehending, speculating, wondering, and any combination thereof.

CHAPTER 6: THIS WOMAN'S WORK

The late afternoon sun was still quite warm on the sandy shoal. On the Friday before Labour Day, the slow-moving river was busy with kids and families, but Goren and Eames were still quiet and apart in their little idyll under the shady tree.

Eames looked down on Goren earnestly, sadly, "I loved my life with Joe, and I loved Joe – so much – despite our problems. The woman – that he was seeing, it wasn't a one-night-stand. She loved him, and – I think – he loved her. At least, he needed her. I'm pretty OK with that fact." That, in response to Goren's incredulous scowl. "I know. It's a significant character flaw, not endeavouring to be faithful. I had lower standards then – I didn't know. What was out there. I don't blame myself, but I did believe that _my_ character – the combination of things that make me… different from most women – put me at a disadvantage. Made me harder to love."

Goren scowled again and made to sit up. "I don't think that _now_. Get back down here, Goren. The point is, there's a certain way I thought my life was going to look, after I got married. The usual things. But that hadn't been my dream beforehand. I hadn't imagined a house and a picket fence. I'd imagined a career full of helping people, and danger, and using my mind and my wits and my people skills – a successful career as a detective. Liz and my mom couldn't see how I could just turn my back on that white picket fence after Joe died. They thought I'd given up on a family of my own – but I'd never really counted on it in the first place."

Goren's heart was breaking. It actually _hurt_, imagining that Eames – his beautiful, amazing, lovable, capable Eames – had ever felt like all the things that made her so precious and wonderful had made her harder to love. "You DON'T feel like that now?" The look he gave her was as hard and piercing as any she'd seen him give a perp – fully as penetrating and unyielding as when he'd cornered her in the meeting room during the Burnham case to grill her on Mulrooney.

"No, I don't. I know my worth, Goren, I promise you. But thanks for that." Eames spoke as if he was the dearest thing in the world to her, and he felt his heart opening. He'd been excited and terrified in anticipation of her explanation of why he was here with her; since they'd planned this trip, it seemed like all the barriers were falling away.

**O.O.O.O.O**

Alex awoke the next morning naked, sore and alone. In the shadow of the cabin, the tent wasn't as warm as it had been at the campground, and she shivered as she wiggled her chilly tootsies. Wondering but not fretting about where Bobby was, she smiled as she mentally recounted the events of the previous night, and the satisfaction she felt was at least partly due to the fact that their romp had taken place on her sister's precious sheets. Sheets that Liz had seemed to care more about than her only sister's happiness, Alex thought with a huff.

Cold, eager to see Bobby, and fearing the trouble he could get into with her sister, she dressed hurriedly and made her way out of the tent.

**o.o.o.o.o**

"What's that on your neck?"

Alex emerged from the tent to find Nathan scrabbling in the hard earth surrounding the trees with a gardening trowel. Her hand flew reflexively to the place she most vividly remembered Bobby sucking on her throat, and closed her eyes in embarrassment.

"It's on the other side," he said, pointing. "Does it hurt?"

"Whatcha doin," she asked, ignoring his question and hoping he'd drop it.

"Your hair is really messy, Auntie Alex," he continued, staring open-mouthed at the rat's nest she already knew topped her pleasantly sore body. "I'm digging for worms," he said. "I gotta get 20. Then we can go fishin."

Uh oh. It was way too late in the day for fishing, so sending Nathan to poke fruitlessly at the dry, packed ground out here was a bad sign. Alex hurried to the kitchen door.

"What did I miss," she said breathlessly, with forced cheer, at the tense tableau that greeted her in the kitchen.

**O.O.O.O.O**

"Goren, I'm thinking of taking my vacation early this year – are you planning on taking time off?"

It was after eight on a Friday night in early May, and they were wrapping up the paperwork on a case they'd just solved. Eames had been tense, jittery, and at times distant for the past couple of weeks, but despite that they had some beautiful moments when they were getting along so well that it lifted Goren's heart. He wished she'd talk to him about whatever was getting to her, but he didn't want to pry. The last few cases, particularly Mulrooney, had put them both through the ringer, and he didn't want to upset her – or their – equilibrium.

"Not sure, but maybe. When are you going away?" Actually, he _had_ been thinking of taking a vacation – he'd been thinking of something so outrageous and exciting that he'd only allowed himself to consider it in a remote corner of his mind.

"Not sure, but I have a month banked, and I'm thinking of taking three weeks." Eames was a bit better with taking holidays than Goren, and consequently kept her banked hours within reasonable limits. She was usually courteous enough not to take too much time at once, since Goren would typically bull through her absence at work rather than taking his own holidays.

"Not sure when you're going away?" It had crossed Goren's mind that Eames's plans might have had something to do with her family.

"Not sure if." Her tone brooked no answering query.

Oooohkay.

"Well, let me know, Bobby, and I'll let you know, k?"

"Sounds good."

**o.o.o.o.o**

Goren thought all weekend. He had no doubts about what he wanted to do, but he wanted to try to figure out for his own peace of mind whether or not he was deluding himself by thinking that it really was the right time to ask.

**O.O.O.O.O**

"But – OK, you know your worth, but do you know… how… lovable you are?" Goren was so distressed that he clearly wasn't thinking straight. It made her sad that he was so upset by the turn of their conversation, but she was gratified both by his feelings and by their artless expression.

Eames smiled fondly down at him. Sitting here with him had been exquisite, heavenly torture. Her whole body fairly buzzed with arousal, and the feeling of his soft hair and the warm skin of his neck on her legs went straight up her spine and into her womb with a wonderful, terrible ache. She had to steel herself not to let her hands wander all over his body – there was so much of him she wanted to explore! They had been touching each other almost constantly since they left – more, actually, ever since they _decided_ to go away together – innocent touches that were both a tease and (she hoped) a promise. She gently rubbed his chest, the bare skin right under his clavicle. "Are you asking me if I feel loved, Bobby?" she asked softly, staring deeply into his eyes and begging him to see as well as hear what she was telling him, "Because I do. I do."

They both seemed to lean back as if to ease the beautiful tension of the past moments. She felt Goren draw a shaky breath. "Good. That's – good," he mumbled.

She smiled. "Thank you, Bobby."

**A/N 2:** Several clever detectives figured out at least one of the two refs. Because I don't want to fail to reward diligence, every right guess gets a Fortune Cookie Fortune:

mistzvahgirl: 1. Open the lid of life and look under the prize tab: your future awaits!

unicorn66: 1. Sticking your head underwater with your eyes closed is just risky; with your eyes open is a whole new perspective!

unicorn66: 2: Rue not the gum on the bottom of your shoe; think rather that you took one for the team.

likeit: 1. Tis better to take the next bus and face forward, than to take this one and face backward.

likeit: You may feel fine carrying a full basket of tomatoes, but the tomatoes on the bottom don't.

Lexi Lynne: 1. An umbrella, like pride, is meant as a protection from gentle, transient woes. Try to use it as a vessel to carry something precious with you, and you will lose both the vessel and its cargo.


	7. DEEPER UNDERSTANDING

**A/N 1:** Thank you for all the wonderful reviews and PMs! A reminder: I'll spill the beans about the two little hints at the end of Chapter 10 (the fic is going to be 11 chapters, but Chapter 11 will be M, and PWP (no plot), so for those who'd prefer not to read it I'm wrapping everything else up in the previous chappie).

CHAPTER 7: DEEPER UNDERSTANDING

That day, after Alex was finished with the breakfast dishes, they decided to try the hike up to the lake. The couple from Canada promised to watch their camping spot, since they'd have to stay the night.

She and Bobby both donned their hiking boots and packed their day packs. They agreed that sleeping rough didn't bother them, but they did decide to bring a tarp to lay their air mattresses on. Food took a bit of discussion, since they wouldn't be able to make use of the communal refrigeration, but in the end they decided a pack of frozen pre-cooked hot dogs would be OK for a few hours, and with some canned beans and sauerkraut, would make a perfectly fine dinner. They packed sandwiches and more oranges for lunch, and four frozen cheese burritos for tomorrow's breakfast.

Bobby's nervous anticipation cranked up several notches when he saw out of the corner of his eye Alex packing her bikini and tying a towel to one of her pack straps, and when she asked him if he was packing his trunks, he stammered an affirmative answer and scrambled around for them.

A couple of hours later, they were sitting next to each other on a fallen log, eagerly scarfing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and sharing a big bottle of water.

"So, um, Alex," Bobby started, as they both sat peacefully, looking around at the serene forest waiting for their lunch to settle before they soldiered on.

"Yeah?"

He voiced the thing that had been on his mind since the moment they left her apartment. "Are you ready – to, uh – tell me why you're afraid?"

She looked at him balefully. "Was afraid. I'm pretty much over it now."

He bobbed his head and looked down. "Good, good."

After a few moments of silence, she stood abruptly and kicked his shoe. "Let's go, Goren," she said impatiently.

Unsurprised at her diversionary tactic, he sat, unmoving, and looked up at her expectantly. He almost relented when she met his eyes and he saw how vulnerable and shy she looked. He saw that it was hesitancy, not fear or regret, that held her back. "Please," he implored her. Standing, he took her pack and helped her on with it, then donned his own. He grasped her hand firmly but gently, and started walking. He gambled that silent acceptance would open her mouth eventually, and he was right.

"We've got two weeks of just each other." Alex squeezed his hand, and he reflected on how amazingly wonderful such a simple connection could feel. A magical energy coursed from her hand through his whole body, and for the first time in his life he felt the actual physical sensation of love surging through his heart. "No books, no phones no casefiles, no Ross." They both smiled. "I mean, we talk all the time, and – uh – I'm not the only one here who thinks stuff is going to come up? Stuff that we've never talked about before?" She looked at him, setting her chin defensively, and he hastened to soothe her.

"I'm counting on it," he said mildly, squeezing her hand back. "I – know what you mean, I think," he continued, "It seems like this has been brewing for a while."

"Exactly," she said, bouncing in her boots as they walked, making him smile. "It's overdue, I think," she enthused as he nodded, "But still scary," she concluded wistfully.

**o.o.o.o.o**

By late afternoon, they were by the sheltered lake cove (which was really quite beautiful – even Bobby admitted as much), scouting places to lay the tarp. While Bobby mumbled about stars and bears and bugs that dropped from trees versus bugs that crawled out from under things at night, Alex announced that she was going swimming, and not to turn around until she said so. He felt a shiver of excitement at the thought, and a bolt of warmth shot straight to his groin. "Which are you more concerned about, Eames, bugs or bats," he called conversationally, more for distraction than information.

"All I care about is my hair getting chewed by chipmunks," he heard from the trees.

"Little chance of that," he mumbled, kicking some dead leaves and detritus from the area he decreed was best for them to set up their sleeping bags.

"Well, it happened to me when I was a camp counsellor," she murmured, much closer than expected.

He turned abruptly to see her smirking at his discomfiture.

"So, you swimming?" She asked easily, squatting to grab her towel and flip flops. Bobby tried not to stare too much at the woman whose body he'd never seen so exposed before; tried not to admire her strong legs, her appealingly curvy bottom, her perfectly flat tum, or her high, soft bust. He felt his breath and heartbeat quicken as erotic images of her assailed him unbidden, and suddenly the notion of splashing around in the water with this nymph seemed irresistibly appealing.

"I think so, yeah," he said thoughtfully, noting her look of pleased surprise.

"Well, don't forget your sandals, or keep your boots on if you didn't bring them. The shoreline is just rocks." She smiled over her shoulder as she headed to the water.

**o.o.o.o.o**

Their swim was everything he'd hoped for, and even as they lay under the stars hours later, his mind reeled at the memory of their frequent, casual touches; how soft and warm her skin felt, and how happy and relaxed she'd looked.

**O.O.O.O.O**

"What's that sound?" Alex whispered, stiffening in Bobby's arms. Their lips, tongues and legs were deeply entangled, and Bobby had been gently caressing Alex's breasts while she had her hands in his shorts, squeezing his ass. _Dangerous._

"Knock knock," said a stage whisper from outside the tent. Alex and Bobby gave each other knowing looks while Alex laughed under her breath and slipped out of his grasp.

"Hi Nate, you want to come in?" She asked, unzipping the tent entrance.

"Knock knock," the little voice came again, and this time she played along.

"Who's there?"

"Nate." Both adults laughed silently.

"Nate who," Alex and Bobby said in unison.

"It'd be neat – um, if you'd let me in the tent," he said, and they all laughed.

"Hi little man, did your mom help you with that joke?" Alex asked while she zipped the tent back up. Bobby rolled inconspicuously onto his stomach and chuckled into his pillow.

"Yup," Nate said disinterestedly as he crawled right onto their makeshift bed and looked around.

"So I guess you're bunking with us tonight," Alex asked, and Nate nodded. "Do you want to be on Bobby's side, my side, or in the middle?"

"Middle," Nate stated as he scootched into bed between them. "What were you guys doing?"

Alex and Bobby exchanged amused glances. "Oh, you didn't hear us?" Bobby asked, "We were talking about how much fun we had playing with you at the river."

"Ya, that was fun," Nate said. He leaned over to give Bobby a big smooch on the lips, "Night Bobbeee," then he kissed Alex too, "Night Aunty Alex."

"Night, peanut," Alex said.

"Goodnight, Nate," said Bobby.

"Mommy said you might be kissing."

**O.O.O.O.O**

"Um… you know that when you were on suspension I went to nights, right?" she asked. Goren nodded solemnly.

This was the conversation. THE conversation. The conversation she thought she'd _never, ever_ have with her partner. She'd counted on her pride to keep her well away. But the time for pride was well past. When she and Joe got married, she'd gone out and bought a huge cleaver for their kitchen. Joe loved to trot it out and wave it around whenever they'd had guests. _She never uses it,_ he'd say proudly, _she just likes to keep it around in case she ever needs to spite her face._ Even when they were only friends and colleagues, she'd relied on her pride to keep her from telling Goren how much he meant to her. That she was now going to bare her heart before him in a way she'd never done with _anybody_, was almost impossible to conceive of.

"Did that have something to do with me?" he asked.

Eames nodded. "Yeah, it was kind of complicated. The nights seemed really long after you were gone, and I was alternately moping, fuming and worrying about you. I also didn't want to appear to my family to be pining. Not my finest moment, as far as reasoning goes. Anyways, Liz and my mom I guess decided to collude in a campaign to set me up." Goren frowned in confusion, so she clarified. "On dates." He made a face. "I'd kind of anticipated it, which is maybe another reason I moved to nights, but it didn't make any difference. Eligible bachelors started showing up at brunches, my nieces' and nephews' ball games, you name it.

"I confronted them about it, tried to explain what I told you before, about what I did and did not want from my life. But Liz said something that hit me hard. She said that I was basically in a 'sterile marriage' with my partner, one that met so many of my emotional needs that I had no motivation to look elsewhere. But that one day you'd get killed, or transferred, or married, or …committed, and then where would I be?" All the time she'd been talking, Eames had been absently running her fingers through Goren's hair. She stilled her hand and looked down at him sadly. "I told them it didn't matter, because I was happy. Which was true, but what they'd said was also true. I started to wonder, was it healthy? Would it really be enough for me for the rest of my life? Maybe I could find someone – " she cringed at the words " – _normal_, and have a regular, happy relationship, a normal life."

"So, the inevitable happened, or maybe just the predictable. One of the men she set me up with turned out to be pretty great. I liked him." Goren, who'd been still and quiet in her lap, seemed to freeze, barely even breathing. Eames couldn't look at him – this time there _would_ be recriminations in those eyes. She steeled herself for the onslaught of questions.

"What was his name?" Goren croaked.

"Chris," she said shortly. "We went out on a few actual dates during that time, and we had a lot of fun. It was good – a good way to keep busy." Goren jerked his head and Eames looked down at him with a scowl. "Get over yourself, Goren. I didn't do it to upset you, and you have no right to feel jealous _or_ guilty. And, get your mind out of the gutter. I wasn't screwing my misery away, if that's what's going through that big brain of yours. Give me a bit of credit."

"Sorry," he said, and clamped his mouth shut. "So you're saying you didn't sleep with him?" he ground out, as if against his will.

Eames gave him her patented look of impatience. "Look, you _deserve_ to be kept in suspense… my sex life is really none of your business. Right?" Goren looked back, stubborn and unblinking. She relented. "No," she whispered, "Not even close." Goren sighed and closed his eyes. "And don't you dare ask me anything else."

**A/N 2:** We're getting there! The line about their 'sterile marriage' is from a discussion board I was lurking on; sorry I don't remember who said it so I could give credit where it's due.


	8. REACHING OUT

**A/N 1:** I am wondering if reviewers and PMers got the replies I sent to the PMs and reviews of Chapter 6 and Chapter 7?

**CHAPTER 8: REACHING OUT **

Goren and Eames both managed to get out early that Friday, and an hour after Eames arrived home, he was downstairs buzzing her apartment. He almost brained her with her front door on his way in, and after a cursory greeting he immediately grabbed as much of her gear as he could hold before rushing downstairs with it. She threw on her coat, picked up what was left, and followed him, at a much slower pace. This was all happening much too fast.

"Hey Goren, what's the rush," she asked when she met him on the stairs, already coming up for seconds.

He shrugged and twitched evasively. "We've got a three hour drive at the least, and I'd like to get to the campground during daylight." He finally looked straight at her, and she knew he was seeing the real reason for her question. "Why?"

Eames knew she had to do some damage control. "Bobby, I'm not having second thoughts." He turned away and sighed, tramping back down the stairs.

"Yes, you are."

"No I'm not, I promise." She reached out and touched his shoulder, and he turned so quickly she almost lost her footing. He quickly reached out to steady her, grasping her waist firmly and confidently. For a long second they both froze, his hands warm on her waist and her hand feeling his strong shoulder muscles flex beneath it. They both held their breath, locked in the moment.

Almost even height standing two steps below her, he scrutinised her face for deception. She let her face relax, knowing that he tended to second-guess his reading of her. She allowed herself to show her doubts and insecurities, but also the hope and anticipation she was feeling.

"You're afraid. Of me?" The question betrayed his own insecurity, and she understood why he'd been hurrying.

"Of course not, Bobby." She held his gaze and willed him to read her correctly. "I want to do this. I would not have said yes if I didn't. I'm really looking forward to spending time alone with you." She emphasised her last words, and felt a blush creep up her face at her bluntness. "But you have to admit, it's – different."

"How so?" He hadn't let go of her, and he squeezed her waist reflexively as he asked the question. They weren't standing that close – anyone who passed would not have felt they were interrupting an intimate moment – but the deliberateness of their touches was inescapably clear to both of them.

Eames took a quick breath and tossed her hair. Bobby had described the gesture as being like a thoroughbred trying to gain her head, and she'd scowled and told him if he valued his life, he'd better not take that metaphor any further. Completely missing the thrust of her warning, he'd then given her a detailed explanation of how she was exactly like a thoroughbred: wilful, determined, smarter than she seemed, competitive, keenly aware of the rules of the game, and willing to leave it all on the track every time. He'd gotten as far as saying that their teamwork was what won the race, but she'd managed to stop him before he'd actually compared himself to a jockey, because she really, really couldn't have handled that. Not the notion that he 'held the reins' – he'd just finished telling her that, despite what most people thought about racehorses, it was a much more complicated relationship than that (which she really appreciated, actually) – no, it was the idea that he'd even obliquely thought of himself _riding_ her.

That was early on in their partnership.

"Bobby…" She shook her head and looked down. "I just – I don't want to have this conversation right now, OK? It's too soon. We have two weeks, and I'm sure a lot of stuff is going to come out. Can't we just take it easy for this evening?" She looked hopefully back at him, begging him silently to let it go for now and let them get used to this at a relaxed pace. "Just – relax, OK? It'll help me relax." At that, he grinned, and she knew they were OK. He gave her waist a final squeeze, then he took her backpack full of clothes and canvas grocery bag out of her arms and looped them over his shoulders.

"OK," he whispered, then turned and headed down the stairs.

**o.o.o.o.o**

After they packed his car, he held the passenger door open for her. "I'm not driving?" She asked incredulously.

He grinned boyishly, and she felt ripples of affection and arousal thread through her anxiety. "Nope," he said, "My invitation, my chauffer service. You can drive us home if you like." She pursed her mouth in mock chagrin and took the map book he handed her.

**o.o.o.o.o**

She hadn't wanted to push it with him, but being idle in the passenger seat significantly added to the tension she was feeling. As his Mustang ate up the miles, she ran over in her mind all the things that had gone unsaid between them for a decade. Not that they didn't talk – quite the contrary actually. They spoke at length about almost everything that went on in their professional lives. How could they function as a team otherwise? Surely many of their rumours about their off-duty relationship arose from the looky-loos who observed them emerging furtively from stairwells and quiet corridors. What people no doubt assumed were assignations, were actually evidence of the hard work that made their complex schemes look effortless.

Yes, she was afraid. Not because she regretted anything about the upcoming journey, but because Bobby was right about her. She left it all on the track every time. She'd proven it countless times in their work, and in the next two weeks, she was going to prove it personally as well. Whatever there was to say, she was going to say it. Whatever there was to do – well, hopefully there would be no regrets there, from either of them. And maybe, just maybe, the reality would live up to her fantasies.

**O.O.O.O.O**

All the next Monday, Goren was quiet and pre-occupied. Several times, Eames was motivated to say something like, 'My, you're quiet, Goren,' and he would reply, 'Mmm,' and look up and smile reassuringly, and they'd carry on. At the end of the day, Goren straightened his desk, plopped his folder onto his blotter, and sat staring at it, fiddling with the zipper.

"Eames?" he said at his folder. Eames looked up and 'hmmm'd at him, and he leaned back and then forward, and rubbed his neck.

"Um… about – about holidays?" He looked up at her, then quickly back down again. "I actually do, um, I have plans. But I was thinking of going later in the summer."

Eames nodded quickly. "OK, well no problem – we don't have to take our vacations at the same time. Ross won't be happy, but I for one don't care." Her nervous, hunted look was back, and Goren almost chickened out.

"Actually, Eames, that's… um – about that." There was a long pause where Goren stared at her as if he were waiting for her to say something, while she looked expectantly, and not a little impatiently, at him.

"About what, Goren? I'm growing old over here."

Goren laughed nervously and closed his eyes, then opened them. "Actually," he said evenly, looking her straight in the eye, "I was thinking of going camping. And I wondered if you'd like to join me." He closed his eyes again and laughed nervously, then jumped up to go grab their coats.

"Me?" she said incredulously, gaping at him, "Go camping? With you?" She stood up so he could help her on with her coat. "Is Denise busy?" she snapped over her shoulder, then had the grace to look embarrassed.

Goren paused and looked at her speculatively. "I have no idea what Denise is doing, but I'm asking you because I'd like to go with you."

Eames shook her head ruefully. "I'm sorry, Bobby, it just took me by surprise. And I really never thought of myself as the type of girl you'd take camping."

"Type? Well if by type you mean my favourite person in the world, it's a very small set." Goren stood, very still and very close, looking down at her while he handed her her umbrella. He saw her breath catch in her throat, and she reached up reflexively to touch herself there.

Eames looked away for a moment, and the way her hair fell over her face made her look both vulnerable and coy. "I'll think about it," she said sincerely. "When do you need to know?"

"Whenever. I'm planning on booking the campground spot for late August, and return after Labour Day. If you can't go, I won't be inviting anybody else." They walked together to the elevator, and stood waiting by the doors.

"OK, that sounds like fun," she said softly, "I, uh – thanks for thinking of me. I'll let you know as soon as possible." Eames seemed suddenly flustered and shy, and marched at top speed towards her car when the elevator dropped them off at the parking lot. She forgot to even offer him a ride to the subway. Which was fine, because he needed to walk off some excess energy.

**O.O.O.O.O**

"Hey, how are you doing?" Alex whispered as she crawled into the tent and lay down next to Bobby. Earlier, without comment, she had put their two air mattresses next to each other and covered them with the sheets she'd brought, making a shared bed for them with their unzipped sleeping bags. "I am so sorry, Bobby. I heard from Nicky that – Chris –" she managed to squeak out his name, "Is leaving tomorrow afternoon, but if you want us to leave too, that's fine with me." Wordlessly, Bobby reached out his arms to her and she gratefully fell into them. He felt _so good_ to her, she felt herself instantly relax, and she found it easy to forget the big mess they were in the middle of. Bobby was amazingly half-aroused, and she tilted her head up to kiss his jaw and throat.

"It's OK, s-sweetheart." He stammered a bit on the endearment – the first she had ever heard from his lips in any context – but the word warmed her heart. "Alex, this is probably the only time you're going to get to see Nathan for a while, right?" She shrugged and nodded. "So, I think we should stay." At her quizzical face, he whispered, "It's OK, really. We can sleep in the tent, spend the days with Nate, it'll be fun."

Alex couldn't help herself, she giggled. "Listen to you, planning fun! But I'm so sorry Bobby, really. This really isn't what we'd planned, is it?"

"No, it's so, so much better," he whispered as he rolled on top of her, exploring her bare skin with his mouth and hands.

**o.o.o.o.o**

This was extremely dangerous. Not only because of Liz, who was probably listening for a chance to catch them _in flagrante delicto_, and not only because of Nate, who had probably been coached by Liz to sneak out and 'chaperone' them. Not only because after dinner, he, Alex and Nate had gone down to the little dock in the quiet patch of the river and Bobby had taken turns tossing Nate, then Alex in her gorgeous bikini off the dock into the river over and over, then they'd pulled him in, and Nate and Alex had both wrapped their arms and legs around him like two monkeys, and they'd all laughed and laughed the whole way back to the cottage, and his heart was so full of love and joy that he almost couldn't stand it. And not because he was lying, in a bed (kind of), with Alex, who was wearing nothing but thin shorts and a tiny tank top and had sunk into his arms with a happy sigh and was now squirming and mewling under him.

No, it was dangerous because of the acute desire that was suffusing his mind and body, short-circuiting his common sense and interfering with his reasoning.

Not merely the desire to join physically with the woman to whom he'd long ago given all his love and loyalty; that craving, though magnified by circumstance and proximity, was manageable.

The problem was sexual competitiveness – the fear of being out-competed for a precious, even essential resource; an anthropological phenomenon his familiarity with which had been of use to him many times over at work, but which he had carefully avoided in his personal life. Until Alex. With almost a kind of nostalgia, Goren recalled the awful moment when he realised that she might have slept with that pissant Mulrooney, and before that, Detective Lyons – who had strutted around like Abel, cloaked in the courage of his (untested) convictions.

Because now, despite the fact that it was clear to him tonight that Alex had no interest in Christopher Botsford, CA, and despite the fact that the man had clearly been making every attempt _not_ to seem like a romantic rival for the woman he seemed intimidated by only slightly less than he was intimidated by her partner, Bobby found himself consumed by a need – a hundred times worse than he'd ever felt – to claim her in that most basic of ways.

He wasn't made of stone! Bobby knew he was an honourable man, but he also knew that there was a part of him – and not a small part – that was willing to go to great lengths to keep what he had. Come on! The man whom she'd gone out on nine actual dates with (compared to the 0 she'd gone on with Goren), and with whom she'd _considered _spending her vacation, who'd come up here expecting to spend time with her, was sleeping a mere 50 feet away. And here she was, nibbling and sucking Bobby's throat and unconsciously tugging at his clothes, smelling and feeling so good and making the most captivating sounds. It didn't matter that _he_ was leaving tomorrow. Bobby felt the almost overwhelming urge to have Alex _tonight_.


	9. WALK STRAIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE

**A/N 1:** Wow, I'm going to come close to cracking 20k with this fic. My longest ever! Thank you for the continuing wonderful reviews and PMs! I also want to send out a particular thank-you to all the readers who have favourited my fics and author profile; you have no idea how much I appreciate the vote of confidence!

**CHAPTER 9: WALK STRAIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE**

In the end, despite the anticipation they felt at spending time at the cabin, Bobby and Alex both felt a bit sad leaving the campground.

Bobby watched Alex as she bounced between the tent and his car. He knew that she'd had some misgivings about their trip, but all those fears had melted away, and she looked relaxed and happy in modest but cute shorts that really showed off her legs, a halter top that was way sexier than she realised, and a big floppy sun hat. She looked at him and smiled, and he couldn't help but smile back. Her face had grown unguarded during their time away – her gaze when she looked at him (which was often) was filled with warm, intimate expressions that he was afraid to decipher.

Would they be able to go back to the way things were? Would she want to? He knew he didn't. And what was 'the way they were', anyway? Things had been changing between them for the past couple of years. In some ways things had gotten worse – for a time – but ultimately, they'd gotten closer, their relationship deeper and richer. At least it seemed to so him.

Almost every minute of the trip had held the kernel of a happy memory for Bobby, an opening for future intimacy. They'd talked almost every night; not only the out-trip where they'd slept under the stars (truly one of the peak moments of Bobby's life – the way she was so honest with him, how she'd accepted his embrace and turned to him for comfort), but sitting close, by the fire at their camping spot. Bobby learned that when Alex's voice got soft, when she let her knee rest against his, she was minutes from being too tired to make the hike to the rest rooms to brush her teeth.

A couple of times they'd joined some of the other campers at the communal fire. Surrounded by happy children, singing songs, they'd talked little of their work, and by unspoken agreement never corrected people who assumed they were a couple. How his heart soared at such little things as curling his arm loosely around her waist as they sat amongst the other campers, beholding the sleepy smile she gave him whenever anyone complimented him; the smile that happy women often had, that said, '_I know what I've got, and I'm satisfied with it_".

How happy he felt falling asleep, waking up next to her. How he wished it could continue.

When they went back to work, would she stand so close to him? Would she let him touch her sometimes? Would she want to? Would she feel the loss of his presence as she was falling asleep as he dreaded he would hers? He longed to know the answers to these questions, but hadn't yet the courage to ask. He hoped that being together at the cabin would erase any possibility of either of them seeing their vacation as a dreamlike escape, so removed from real life that it was impossible, or fleeting. Sharing a house, while not as personal as sharing a tent, was one step closer to the real world.

They shook hands with some of the other campers, and got the car packed for the drive. Alex so wanted to drive that Bobby offered to let her if she could get the keys off him in one minute or less. He wasn't prepared for her to take a flying leap at him, wrap her legs around his waist and start flailing her arms at his raised hands, but he managed to thwart her. And, he got to have her all over him, with her legs wrapped around his waist. Definitely worth the knee strain.

**o.o.o.o.o**

Alex was unusually quiet during the drive. Bobby hoped that she wasn't fretting about the change of location, or feeling gloomy about the approaching end of their trip.

"What do you want to do when we get there?" He asked a bit nervously when they were about 20 miles out. For the last leg of their drive, they'd been following the river the cottages had been built along, and the view was very restful. The water was calm, in places groomed for fishing, with overhanging trees for shade.

"I dunno," Alex said quietly, "I'm kind of in the mood for a swim. Maybe you could join me? There's a nice beach area, apparently, and maybe we could relax and talk after."

Alex's words made him both nervous and happy. Talk? They'd done nothing but, the whole trip. "Sure. I might even join you for a swim; wouldn't want that little bikini to get lonely," he said cheekily.

"What? For that, I'm wearing my jeans and a sweatshirt when I go swimming!"

"Yeah, right."

**O.O.O.O.O**

Liz saw them from the bedroom window as soon as they cleared the trees – he was hard to miss. Alex was wearing her two-tone blue bikini, with a jeans halter dress that was about 25 years old. They were holding hands. Both really tanned. _That'll be tough to explain away at work._ Liz was busy moving his stuff out of the spare bedroom; the boys were still unpacking the cars. At least his stuff was _in_ the spare bedroom – that meant they probably weren't sleeping together.

She made her way to the front door of the cottage just as they came around the side.

"You've got to be kidding." Alex's irritated voice, so familiar to Liz, was directed at Nicky, who was shaking his head apologetically. _Not my idea, _he was mouthing to her. _I tried._ Alex hadn't let go of his hand – in fact, she was holding it tighter as she squinted at the other car, then looked at Nick in horror. "Oh no," she said just as Nathan roared up.

"Aunty Alex!" he shouted and threw himself in her arms. "Hi Bobbeee."

"Hi Peanut!" She swung her nephew around and kissed him all over his face, then put him down and hugged him to her. "Bobby, I have to talk to you," she said urgently. "Nate, just hang on a sec, OK?" She wagged her finger at Liz and frowned. "You," she gritted out, but she was already pushing Bobby bodily around the corner.

Liz strolled down the front steps and around the side of the cottage to where Alex was talking with him in hushed tones. 'What?' she heard him exclaim, then they both looked over at her. 'We can leave,' her sister said, 'let's just leave.' She saw him grasp Alex's shoulders and lean his forehead in to hers. How could she not be frightened of him? Of course she must be frightened of him. He murmured low to her and looked at her with that eerie, piercing gaze. She nodded and said, 'yeah, I'm tempted to stand my ground.' Liz was leaning against the cottage, waiting for the inevitable confrontation, when Chris rounded the corner.

**o.o.o.o.o**

'He knows we don't like him,' she'd said to Nicky, 'He's going to feel awkward. He'll just leave and we can bring Alex back with us, or Chris can take her.' 'I think they love each other,' Nicky had said. 'I don't think he's going anywhere. And bringing Chris is a _terrible_ idea. It's bound to end badly. For Chris. And for you.' But Liz ignored her husband. He wouldn't fight Chris, and Alex hated making a scene. Liz didn't tell Nick that she'd promised Chris he'd get to see her sister… she was just trying to keep things from getting too complicated.

**o.o.o.o.o**

Introductions had been brief, chilly and awkward, and afterwards, Alex had marched right into the spare bedroom. "Where's Bobby's stuff?"

"I'm moving your things into the spare room, Alex, you can sleep with Nathan. We'll be in the master, and Chris can sleep on the roll-out bed in the front room." Liz liked to get settled straight away in a new place, so she was busy moving Alex's things into the spare room as they spoke.

"Where's Bobby going to sleep?"

"In the tent. We can set it up in the back."

"What? That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. Bobby's staying with me. Nate can have the trundle bed."

"I'm sorry, but I'm not having you and him sleeping together in my house. And anyway, where would Chris sleep?"

"I don't know," Alex said acidly, "Maybe in his own bed back in the city? And it's not your house, for what it's worth. But nevermind. Chris can have the spare room, Nate can have the trundle bed, and Bobby and I will sleep in the tent." Alex grabbed his stuff and marched out into the back yard, puffed up with the same self-righteousness she always got after getting her way by rolling over everyone else. Liz fought back a tear of frustration while she was occupied changing the bed.

She heard Alex stomp back into the cabin and he must have been there, because she heard him ask Alex what was going on. "Oh, just figuring out sleeping arrangements," Alex said with false cheer. "We're sleeping out back in the tent. Oh, and my sister is changing the sheets even though we haven't even slept on them yet." He murmured something and they both departed out the back door, arms laden. Alex came back by herself and stood in the master bedroom doorway. "I know you don't want us sleeping together in _your_ house, but do you mind if we take a set of _your_ sheets to sleep on?" Liz nodded at the pile of discarded linens on the floor, and Alex grabbed them up and rushed outside.

**O.O.O.O.O**

The weekend flew by, and when Monday came, Alex and Bobby had a tough time rousing themselves and Nate to leave the cabin. After much procrastinating and negotiations between them, and a tense phone call that Alex made from the timeshare office down the road, it was agreed that they'd leave after an early dinner and have Nathan in his bed before midnight.

Bobby's Mustang was a tight squeeze, what with them, all their stuff, Nate's stuff, and Nate, but they finally got him situated in a little nest in the back seat. Before long he was asleep.

**o.o.o.o.o**

"Alex, there's a pocket on the driver's side door…"

"Yup." They'd been driving in companionable silence for about an hour. Both kept their voices low.

"Um, could you reach down and grab the flashlight?"

"Why do you need a flashlight?" Alex asked, not moving her hands from the wheel.

"Uh, I need to check the map."

"Why?"

"To, uh, figure out where we are. Where we're going."

"I know exactly where we are and exactly where we're going." She smirked and glanced at him in the dark. "But here's the flashlight anyway."

**o.o.o.o.o**

"So Bobby… what _did_ you say to Chris to get him to leave?"

"Get him to leave? Is that what you think I did?"

"I don't hear you denying it." They both laughed. "And, I don't actually think you laid a hand on him."

"Thanks, Eames, your faith in me is inspiring."

"Was that sarcasm, Goren? Who are you, and what have you done with my partner?"

"Uh, I'll answer your question with a question, Eames… what have _you_ done with your partner?"

"I plead '_Don't ask, don't tell_' on that one, Goren, and _touché_, by the way." They both laughed. "Anyway…"

"Does it really matter that much, Eames? I mean, like you said, he was going to leave that afternoon anyway…"

"OK, now I'm worried. Why don't you want to tell me? _What_ don't you want to tell me?"

"Aah, there's nothing to tell, really. I just said one word to him."

"That's all?"

"Yup."

"And you _didn't_ lay a hand on him?"

"The closest I came to touching him was when I lit his cigarette off mine before handing it to him."

"Huh. I didn't even know he smoked."

"Hmmm."

"Did you?"

"Yup."

"Is that why you went all the way around to the front porch to smoke a cigarette?"

"My last cigarette."

"Bobby?"

"Yup."

"So you're a hostile witness, Bobby?"

"Yup."

"Do you mind me asking?"

"Nope."

"OK, so you purposely got up, went around to the front porch in the middle of the night, with two cigarettes and one match, in order to get Chris to leave."

"Yup."

"And whatever you did worked? He didn't just happen to leave since he was up anyway?"

"Yup. To the first question. The second question requires speculation."

"Get stuffed, counsellor."

"Start detecting, detective."

They both laughed again.

"Bobby?"

He shrugged. "Work it out, detective. You have all the clues."

She sighed. "Grrr. OK. You got up and threw on some – OK, did you fall asleep with me, or did you stay awake?"

"I stayed awake."

"What were you doing?"

"Watching you. And thinking."

"And one of the things you were thinking was, 'Get rid of Chris, tonight.'?"

"Yup."

"So you were lying there, watching me, and thinking that?"

"Heh. Yeah."

"Christ, Goren."

He laughed nervously.

"And you came up with a plan."

"The plan presented itself to me, by dint of the circumstances."

"Oh-kaaay. So you threw on some clothes, grabbed two cigarettes and one match, left the tent, shuffled around the cabin to the porch, making enough noise to wake Chris –"

"He was already awake."

"And you knew this _how_? On second thoughts, never mind. So you sat down on the porch, lit one of the cigarettes with the match, and started smoking. Where did you put the other cigarette?"

"On the rim of the ashtray."

"There's no ashtray on the front porch."

"There's one hidden under the porch behind one of the stair posts."

She sighed exasperatedly. "Oh, great. Are you going to tell me who's the other secret smoker?"

He laughed. "It's not Liz or Nicky, so it must be someone else in his family, no?"

"Thank Christ for that. So there you are, smoking, and Chris comes through the front door. He sits down, and asks you for a smoke?"

"Yup."

"And you say…?"

"Yup."

"And you pick up the other cigarette and hold it up to yours, and light it? And hand it to him?"

"Classic non-smoker's mistake. They don't light very well like that. I took the unlit cigarette and put _that_ in my mouth, lit it off my lit cigarette, then handed it to him."

"And that's pertinent?"

He smirked. "Yup."

"And then he smoked the cigarette, got up and left? Did he say anything else to you?"

"No and nope."

"He didn't smoke the cigarette, and he didn't talk to you?"

"Yup."

She was quiet for a few seconds. "Throw me a bone here, Goren, what did he do?"

"He took one puff, made a face, looked at the cigarette, looked at me, frowned, stubbed the cigarette out, wiped his mouth, and marched off."

"What kind of face?"

"If I had to characterise it, I'd say it was disgust."

Eames drove silently, thinking. "Remember, Eames, you have all the clues."

After a few more minutes of contemplation, she grunted in exasperation and smacked the steering wheel. "Goren! Geez, how could you?" She shook her head. "Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed."

Bobby grinned and gave her a sultry glance. "You mean, how could I –"

She silenced him with a hand in his face. "Ep. _Don't. Say. It._"

**o.o.o.o.o**

"Whatcha thinkin?" They'd both been silent for a while, the sound of Nate's gentle snoring the only accompaniment to the disappearing miles.

"Hmm," Alex said, "Just wondering."

"Wondering what?"

"Well, I'm not sure if it really matters any more. It was on my mind for a long time, but…"

"But?"

"Um, you know why I asked you to come to the cabin with me. But I don't know why you invited me camping." There, she'd said it.

"Ha! Alex, I'd have thought it would be pretty obvious why I invited you."

"So you're saying you invited me camping so you could get laid, detective?" Her breathy whisper came out more sensually than she'd intended, and she found herself growing aroused at merely the thought of Bobby plotting to get her into bed.

"No," he muttered, flustered. "I don't – of course not," he trailed off helplessly.

"So you're saying you don't think of me that way?" She asked teasingly. "You never imagined…"

"Alex," he whined. "Of course I – I mean for a long time, I – that's not it," he finished lamely, shaking his head.

"I know," Alex said, taking pity on him. "I know now. That's why it doesn't matter any more."

He sighed. "After everything – that's happened, not only to me but to both of us – after everything else fell away, I just knew, that… that I loved you, and I wanted you," he stated baldly. "I didn't know… no matter how you felt about me, I didn't know – if you'd actually want to be with me, but – I wanted that. A chance to spend time alone with you. If we figured something out, great. If not, at least I'd have the memories."

His honesty moved Alex so much that she couldn't think of anything to say, so she just squeezed his hand.

**o.o.o.o.o**

"Alex?"

"Yeah, Bobby?"

"You said – back at the cabin – that, when… when I came off suspension… you thought I didn't care for you – at all?"

Alex blanched. "I don't think that now, Bobby."

"But –" He waved his arms to try to convey what he couldn't bring himself to say.

"Off an on, over the years," she said softly, "I toyed with the notion that you loved me." Bobby nodded. "Then other times, I thought all I was to you was the person who made it easier for you to do your job." He looked at her sadly, and she sighed. "Doing without you during that time was really hard for me, Bobby," she continued, "I missed you so much. The fact that you were out of communication with me made it seem like the second assumption was true – when there was no job for you to do, you had no need for me."

"Alex…" he managed to choke out.

"I KNOW that's not true, Bobby," she whispered emphatically, reaching out to take his hand. "And I'm _sorry_, for doubting you. I still wish you'd told me, but – I understand your reasoning." She grinned. "And actually, it's kind of flattering. Clearly, you think better when I'm around."

"Not all the time," he said with a matching smile, moving her hand to rest on his clothed erection. "Depends on the circumstances."

**o.o.o.o.o**

"Remember Pagolis?" Eames laughed, and Goren reached over to gently pinch her waist. "I didn't think she was good enough for you. To look up to. I thought you could do better, even before we suspected she was a murderer. I thought you should be the one speaking at graduation ceremonies, inspiring young officers."

**A/N 2:** Feel like something's missing? Uh yeah, we still don't know WHY Alex invited Bobby to the cabin! That's Chapter 10. Also in Chapter 11 we find out what Bobby did before kicking Chris to the curb. Check out the A/N at the bottom of Chapter 10 (the end of the STORY, for those who don't want to read adult stuff), for the clue that readers guessed at in exchange for fortunes.

I really appreciate all the author and story faves, alerts, PMs, and particularly reviews!


	10. ROCKET'S TAIL

**A/N 1:** No spoilers (a couple of shout-outs, not spoilery), no notes. Nearing the end, I am so so so thankful for my loyal readers!

**CHAPTER 10: ROCKET'S TAIL **

So this was THE conversation. The conversation they had both been dancing around for months, maybe years. Maybe would have already had if someone's life hadn't repeatedly fallen apart, or rather been systematically dismantled by many hands. And here they were well into it and the suspense was worse for him than it had been when she'd started speaking. Not only did he have less idea now how she actually felt, than he'd had even ten minutes ago, but now there was some guy in the mix. Another creep who she'd almost slept with, except this guy maybe wasn't a creep, and it wasn't a decade ago, but only a year or so. Who was apparently 'pretty great'.

Goren suddenly had an urgent need to pace, but he knew that if there ever was a moment when it was critically important for him to be still and listen to his partner, this was that moment. Even though now his dreams – along with her – seemed to be slipping through his fingers. And he'd only just got her! Or at least it had seemed like he'd finally got her, from her soft voice and touch, and the open way she looked at him across the campfire and while they were whispering in the night.

He noticed that she was staring at him. "Go on," he said more gruffly than he intended. "What are you waiting for. Let's hear more about Chris."

"I was waiting for you to finish thinking," she said dryly. "And there's not much more to say about Chris. You got off suspension, my life got busy and full again, and we stopped seeing each other." Goren looked sceptical. "It's true! Just ask Liz, she gave me an earful about it.

"And that's the sucky part. After that," Eames's voice grew soft and hesitant, "When it became clear that Chris and I were going nowhere," she actually shuddered, "Liz stopped letting me see Nathan. Or rather, she rewarded me for dating by letting me see Nathan." Eames hung her head.

"She was pimping you out? For dates with her scummy friends?" Goren's voice almost squeaked with the outrage he was fairly gagging on. How dare she? It was practically prostitution. For _Nathan_. Goren was dizzy with fury.

"I know. It was pretty distasteful. I mostly demurred, which means I haven't seen Nathan for ages."

"Why didn't you tell me?" He already knew the answer. Her damnable pride, and her twice damned loyalty.

"I was ashamed, that my own family would act like that. Also, I didn't want to interrupt our delicate _détente_, then our even more delicate _r'approchement_. Also, I was a bit afraid and yet a bit too hopeful that you'd go off on them." Goren was confused about her last words, and it must have shown on his face, because she said, "For a while after you got back from suspension, I doubted whether you cared about me at all. If I'd told you and you'd ignored it, it would have killed me. On the other hand, if you'd freaked out on them, it would have been a disaster."

**o.o.o.o.o**

"So they all knew?" Goren almost couldn't believe his ears.

"Liz and my mom, and Nicky I assume. My dad didn't know the whole thing, although he knew Liz had cut me off from Nathan for some reason. I don't know about James and Margie," Eames shrugged. " I mean it wasn't like the Sword of Damocles – it wasn't hanging over me every minute of every day. There was just a hole where there hadn't been one, and this awful tension whenever I spoke to Liz. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things."

Eames smiled and Goren could almost see her stuffing the pain down like she always did. "It was a big deal, Alex, and I'm sorry you didn't feel like you could talk to me about it. I wish you had."

"I wish I had too, believe me," she said with a true smile.

They were both quiet for a moment, regrouping and recharging with energy from each other's eyes. "So?" Goren finally asked.

"So? So… Apparently Chris has been asking about me." Goren scowled again. Figures. "Back in the spring, Liz made me a proposition. She suggested that she and Nicky would bring Nathan up to his parents' time share, and I could come with them."

"And Chris was part of the deal."

"Yes. It made me think, hard. About what I want from life. Chris really represented something, to my family, and – Aaah, I wanted to see Nathan so badly. It was kind of tempting, something I could just fall into. Liz would plan it all, and it would have been easy."

"Easy." Goren was scowling again; the images her words were conjuring were deeply disturbing. He was many things, but easy wasn't one of them. "So that's why I'm here? To hear all about you and Chris? Why didn't you go? Did _Chris_ change his mind?"

"Oh for Pete's sake, listen to you. What's easy is riling you up, it seems. I don't enjoy tormenting you, but I could grow to, with enough practice. Don't turn me into a sadist here."

"What kind of a name is Chris, anyway? It sounds like a kid's name."

"Funny, that's exactly what he said about _your_ name."

"You're stalling again," Goren muttered.

"Yes, I am. Because this is really hard, Bobby. I'm getting to the hard part. Things I thought I'd never tell you." That shut Goren up, and he tried to calm himself down.

"You know that I disliked you when we first met, right?" Goren nodded. He'd known, and it hadn't bothered him. He hadn't thought anything about her, good or bad, back then. Too risky. "First I respected you, then I liked you. Then we had this – oh, sexual chemistry, I don't know – it was just a man-woman thing, I noticed it, but I didn't give it any credence. You felt it too, right?" Goren nodded emphatically, and Eames laughed.

"I remember the exact moment when I realised that I loved you. As a human being, not in a romantic way. It was the first time I saw you after Nathan was born. And yes, I know it could have been at least partly hormones, but the feeling didn't go away. I just looked at you, first stooping to glance through the little window – I felt this rush of anticipation then – then you peeked around the door as you cracked it open, and I just felt this love." Eames shook her head, deep in her reminiscence. She looked down. "You know that you're really lovable, don't you? I mean, you asked me the same thing, but do you _know_? I know you think it's just an act you put on for people, but you are really, truly lovable." Goren struggled to keep his breathing steady, and keep from tearing up. This was the most wonderful thing anyone had ever said to him, and he wanted to be completely _here, _in the moment, to absorb every drop of it.

Eames shrugged. "Which was fine. It didn't change my life at all – I just kind of integrated that here was this really special person, who really meant a lot to me. You know?" Goren nodded again.

"So, that was that. But." She made a face, as if she were remembering something distasteful.

"Member how mad I was when you started investigating Joe's murder?" Goren nodded – of course he did. "I had a lot of reasons to be angry, in my own mind, but there was one unexpected one. Unexpected and totally unwelcome. I realised, the moment I stood there staring at your implacable face, talking to me like I was a child – I knew you weren't doing it just to be _you_, you were doing it for _me_. You'd come back from leave _early_ to apply all your resources to that case for _me_, and in that second I realised – God, it was awful. I realised that I had given myself to you. My heart, my body, everything – every way a woman can give herself to a man. And I was _furious_."

Goren couldn't help it – he laughed out loud. The story wasn't over, but he'd heard enough to make this the happiest moment of his life. Then Eames reached down and pinched him, hard, right on the little muffin top that bunched out over his swimming trunks. "Shut up," she scolded. "It wasn't funny, it was horrible."

She didn't need to say more, he already knew what she was driving at. From the beginning, there had been talk about them. Fucking. Engaging in mortally wounding drama off the clock. As the daughter and niece and sister of cops, including one who'd disgraced himself by being weak; as a widow, a woman – a beautiful, tiny woman; as someone who was already pitied and gossiped about, the one thing she could hold onto was that she would never, ever, ever prove the ignorant jerks _right_ by surrendering her most secret, feminine comforts to the person everyone agreed most needed them.

Of a sudden, Goren's jovial mood was deflated. Eames looked down on him contemplatively.

"So, there was that. It didn't change my life much, except that it made me need to be that much more guarded. I didn't expect anything to change, inside or with us, I just wanted us to be healed, and for you to – hopefully – be yourself again, eventually. Which you were," she said with a smile. "But then – then there were these whispers, of…" she trailed off, cringing. "Of _hope_ – Oh God, Bobby, this is so _hard_ – hope, and possibility, that we could – _love each other_, and be happy. Together. Have some kind of future together outside work." Eames closed her eyes in some kind of anguish. "It made everything so complicated," she muttered. " I had no idea how you felt – I thought you probably didn't love me, but then I thought, maybe, you did."

**o.o.o.o.o**

"When did all this happen?" Goren asked.

"Aah, I don't know – some time between Declan Gage and, I guess, Mulrooney. Our two matching matchmaking monsters," she said with a grimace.

"Christ, Eames, you gotta start keeping me more filled in. All this new info is making my head swim," he muttered, squinting and rubbing the back of his neck for the first time in days.

"Well, I'm more than happy to get it out of MY head," she snapped without heat.

"So, what made you turn down your sister," he whispered.

"You," she stated baldly. "Your invitation," she clarified. "I decided life was too short for me to waste on what other people think or want for me. And I decided that whatever was waiting for me on that two-week double date my sister was planning, I didn't want that. Not with Chris. Even if I could grow to love him. At least I had to see, what it could be like with us, what you had in mind.

"So," she concluded, looking down at him seriously, "to answer your question. In short, you're here because I wanted to give you a chance to find out what it would be like to live with me. Because… I thought you might like to try it some time."

Goren fairly bounced out of her lap and grabbed her, lowering her quite forcefully to the grass. "Might?" He began to pepper her face with kisses. "Try it?" His voice rose in pitch and volume with every exclamation. "Some time?" He eased his bulk down on top of her and, before sliding his tongue into her mouth, said, "Oh, Eames."

**o.o.o.o.o**

Lying on the grass with Goren's strong, heavy body enveloping her was absolute heaven. She was finally touching him, every part of him she could reach. Her hands slipped over the cotton on his back, up his muscular arms into the sleeves of his T-shirt, across the back of his neck and all over his beautiful face. While she was trying to consume him with her palms and fingers, he was nudging her legs apart with one of his powerful thighs, stroking her chastely from hip to shoulder while he kissed and nipped all over her neck and chest. He was hard, purposeful and fully aroused, and she almost cried with the joy of being with him in this way.

"Get a room!" A lanky boy in droopy swim trunks muttered as he slouched past.

"Oh my God, how old are we," Eames laughed, trying to wriggle out from under him.

"I feel sixteen, Alex," Goren said with a bark of a laugh, hoisting himself up on his heels and handing her up.

"Well let's go back to the cabin and find out if you're as young as you feel."

**o.o.o.o.o**

Hand in hand, they trudged back towards the cluster of cabins. "Alex… what you said before… I, um – I'd like us to take things slow, if that's OK with you?"

"Not too slow I hope – it's been ten years," Alex muttered with mock irritation. "Actually, that works fine with me – I'd never imagined our first time taking place at my brother-in-law's time-share."

"You'd imagined our first time?" Bobby asked teasingly.

Alex pursed her lips and said, "No comment."

"So you hungry, or do you want to make out a bit before dinner," Bobby said as they walked past the back yard of the cottage and along the side of the property.

"Yes," she answered.

**A/N 2:** Well I was going to wait to post, but I'm kind of excited about finishing this fic! Excited but sad. I really appreciate all the reviews and PMs, as well as the faves and the adds! I would be writing this fic anyway, but it's wonderful to know that people have been moved by it.

Also, I promised to let everyone in on which episodes were alluded to in Chapter 5: The line, "Is it too late?" is a nod to Season 7's "Smile", and "I hope so," is a quote from Season 6's "Albatross", featuring the famed Pagolis, immortalised in this fic. Cheers to all the clever detectives who figured it out. If anyone did send me a PM or review with an answer but didn't get a fortune cookie fortune, let me know and I'll write you some.


	11. THE SENSUAL WORLD

**A/N 1:** Well here it is: the last chapter! The full version will be available on my LJ.

CHAPTER 11: THE SENSUAL WORLD

Alex awoke to the sensation of hands stroking and teasing every sensitive spot on her body. She let out a guttural moan, leaning into the sensual assault. As she came to, she felt herself cradled in Bobby's arms, being caressed from thighs to shoulders (and every point in between) while his lips moved insistently from her mouth to her throat and back again.

"Is it morning?" Alex mumbled into Bobby's mouth.

"Mmm, nope, not quite dawn yet."

"Where's Nate?" she asked breathlessly.

"Nick came looking for him," Bobby said matter-of-factly, as he began to tug Alex's shorts down her hips. Already on fire from his touches, she ached with anticipation of what was to come, her body fully aroused and ready for him. What seemed like a good idea earlier – waiting – now seemed to pale in the face of the promise of Bobby's feverish hands and mouth.

"Oh no no no, Bobby Bobby Bobby…" she muttered staccato, ineffectually trying to pull him up by his hair. He only laughed. "Bobby, I _can't_," she tried to say, but his eyes, when he looked up at her, said, _Oh yes, you can and you will._ He would not be denied.

She'd looked so beautiful, sleeping on while Bobby handed Nate out to Nicky a few hours after bedtime. Gazing at her, he'd made a decision: he had to taste her, tonight, to lick and stroke and kiss her over the edge. He began to coax her into wakefulness and arousal with his gifted, purposeful touch.

He laughed and rolled them both over so she was lying on top of him. "Bonk?" He asked, and she giggled. They were both so tired, they fell asleep just as they were.

**A/N 2:** Thank you so so much to all the readers who have stuck with me through this journey; I appreciate all the support and encouragement I have received showing these two great characters moving towards more intimacy and love.

**A/N 3:** [Added later on March 6] Some of my more innocent readers didn't put the clues together to figure out what Goren did to scare off Chris, and thought I forgot to include it… I don't want to be indelicate, so I'll just quote one of the reviews: "…I don't know what Chris's problem was, cause he know he would have 'smoked the same brand' if Alex would have let him!" If you still don't get it – sorry, but Goren gave you all the clues – just play out the sequence of events, and it might make more sense! :D


	12. WHAT CHRIS THOUGHT

**_Special note January 16, 2012: I have finally gotten around to replacing the section breaks that FF removed a long time ago. I know some folks found this non-linear fic impossible to read without them; hopefully this makes it easier! I'm still writing BA fics, keep your eyes open! BTW I've created a playlist on my YouTube account with all the songs used as chapter titles._**

**_ My YouTube account is SilentGCanada, if you want to go check it out! I personally think the songs are very well-suited to the chapters, although Kate Bush isn't to everyone's taste!_**

**CHAPTER TWELVE: CHRIS'S THOUGHTS**

Chris had been driving for almost two hours straight before exhaustion overtook the humiliation and ire that had fuelled his abrupt escape from Nicky's place in the middle of the night.

Who the fuck was that guy? And who the fuck goes camping with a co-worker? The NYPD was a fucking cesspool of whorishness, obviously. He thanked his lucky stars that things hadn't gone further with him and the little detective.

Christ, he was glad to see the back of Alexandra Eames. Anyone who would spend five minutes voluntarily in the company of that psycho prick, much less let him touch her … _that way … _(he could barely manage to articulate the thought of such intimacy, much less revisit the revolting image), was clearly unbalanced and not the great catch he had assessed her when they'd dated.

Feeling drained after white-knuckling the steering wheel the whole drive, he pulled over and flipped the seat all the way back. He'd put his jeans on over his PJs, he'd been in such a hurry. And he'd put his t-shirt on inside out too. It was chilly at this time of night, even in the summer, so he pulled a jacket out of the back seat to tuck in under. In the quiet and stillness of his car, he couldn't get the image of that man out of his head, watching him smugly as he stumbled out of the cabin, clothes inside out, stuff crammed into his backpack.

**___Nicky, you owe me one brother_, he thought as he finally drifted off.**


End file.
